After such a fun and relaxing weekend at Karen's re-entry was difficult. I was thrilled to see the boys and Rob, of course, and to get caught up on all of the basketball adventures and special treats they had while we were away. The loads of laundry, cooking and cleaning and shopping were all waiting for me, but they weren't the most difficult part of coming home. It was assuming the weight of my identity here, complete with expectations.
In Los Angeles, when Karen had to introduce me to someone, it was "my sister, Laura." That's a simple label with few expectations (that I was meeting by visiting and having a great time). It was free-ing. At home again, I feel the weight of expectations crashing down around my neck, like the chain that tied Princess Leia to Jabba the Hut in Return of the Jedi. Do you remember that opening scene, where Leia is dressed in an awful metallic bikini with a super-long loincloth flowing between her legs? Jabba lets her walk around or dance a little and then every so often he yanks hard on the chain and she goes flying (and choking) back into his ugly fat folds. For me, each link in that chain represents my own expectations of myself, my perceptions of other people's expectations, society's expectations, familial expectations, church expectations and more.
I seek contentment and peace, which would mean escaping or erasing the chain that binds me. Leia ended her captivity by choking Jabba to death with his own chain. I could try this, but I don't have the luxury of companions with light sabers, and I don't know how much of Jabba is really me, so I don't want to strike that death blow in a hurry. I'll have to brainstorm different ways to escape like Leia, sans skimpy gold bikini and hover craft (though they might come in handy!)
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