Never An Original Thought

"My new commitment to setting boundaries comes from the twelve years I've spent studying Wholeheartedness and what it takes to make the journey from "what will people think?" to "I am enough." "
- Brene Brown in Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead

Well, smack me upside the head with a codfish. Here I was just a few days ago writing about my sticky note "I am enough" and lo and behold, my new book by Brene Brown has whole chapters on the issue. Brown writes about being enough in the context of shame, which she defines as: "the fear of disconnection -- it's the fear that something we've done or failed to do, an ideal that we've not lived up to, or a goal that we've not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.  . . . Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." (Brown, location 832 on Kindle edition).

That's powerful stuff that hits home. Another bullseye was the fact that all humans experience shame. It's not our fault if we have this reaction; to the degree that we seek connection, it's hardwired. The good news is that we can develop what Brown calls "shame resilience." Though we can't escape shame we can move through it "from shame to empathy" and heal. Brown lists four elements of shame resilience, which are below in short form:
1. Recognize shame and understand its triggers
2. Practice critical awareness
3. Reach out - own and share your story
4. Speak out - ask for what you need

I'll stop quoting here and just give you Brown's website; http://brenebrown.com/. Today  I'm going take advantage of the fact that William is home sick and chat with him a little about shame, and how he is an amazing kid and loved no matter what he does or doesn't do. Then I'll plot my 'attack' on the other kids, because I want them to grow up with shame resilience, and not be as hijacked by this emotion as I have been, especially over the last 12 years. All of you who read my story and offer support and encouragement are part of my healing process. Thank you so much - and good luck on your own journey today.