Shame and the Biggest Loser

I'm being tossed in the roiling Sea of Shame today and I thought I'd follow Brene Brown's advice and share my thoughts and feelings. Hopefully giving them some air will make me feel less toxic. Here's the thing; I watched The Biggest Loser with my kids. For those of you who don't know what that is (lucky guilt-free folks), it's a reality TV show where contestants vie to see who can lose the most weight. The contestants enter as obese or morbidly obese in weight, with many unhealthy markers such as pre-diabetes or diabetes, heart conditions, or high blood pressure Over the course of 12 weeks they train many hours daily with certified trainers, learn nutrition, and make healthy meals. They all lose copious amounts of weight and end up much healthier than when they started. What's the problem with that? Turns out there are many.

The first issue is my own inconsistency. After learning that gung-ho, balls-to-the-wall training was extremely dangerous for me, and for others with health conditions, how could I enjoy watching other people train this way? My sister asked me that question when I visited LA, and I could only guess that a part of me still missed being a part of the train-until-you-puke methodology. The second issue came up last night at dinner, when my son said he felt . . . fat. I attempted to be calm, to patiently listen to why he felt that way, but I failed miserably. My children are blessed with the gifts of health and strength, and I think they are perfect - I wouldn't change so much as a hair on their heads. It hurt me deeply that my son didn't think about himself in the same way. When I said, "I don't want to hear you call yourself fat again," my wise oldest child commented, "Maybe you won't have us watch The Biggest Loser anymore."

Ugh. Can you feel my pain from where you are sitting? I told them we would not watch that show any more, especially after the finale, where the winning contestant lost so much weight that she appeared to be anorexic. I had not let them watch that episode - I had previewed it and decided it was too shocking and even dangerous for them to watch unhealthy behavior encouraged and rewarded. But after raising the issue, of course they had to Google it and then we had to discuss how the winner had gone from being sick, to healthy, to sick again, and what that can do to your body. After getting so thin when I was sick, I didn't anticipate they would equate skinny with health, but that's apparently what their mom and their society push them towards.  I can only hope that deep discussions and different choices will lead to better outcomes in the future, and that my confession will somehow alleviate my shame.