Leave-Taking

Going to hit the road this afternoon on a journey to Santa Fe (New Mexico, for all my geography-challenged readers).  My bags are packed and three pages of instructions typed out, covering carpools, practices, appointments and meals. The freezer and pantry are stocked and the bathroom is cleaned, checks for the babysitter written and love notes to Rob and the kids are stuck to their place mats. Now all that remains is for me to cut the cord and walk out the door.

Walking out the door is surprisingly difficult. My “energy envelope” includes Rob and the kids, so when I leave, I often feel like my energy is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d beyond my comfort level.  I am safe here and necessary, and I cherish those feelings since only a year ago I was still shaky, new in my recovery from serious illness, and questioning my abilities as a mother. When Daniel came home from school yesterday with hordes of red bumps on his belly, I thought “chicken pox?!” and was almost relieved at the thought of staying home. We rushed to the doctor, who assured us it was only “hot tub folliculitis” caused by the hot tub in Winter Park, and I was both relieved and disappointed.

But I just talked with a good friend, who assured me that I could still “tuck the kids in” at night with a timely phone call, and that my absence and my ability to travel will confirm to my family that I am truly well and that they can be similarly free to be with friends and experience new places. I hope that’s true, because I’m going for it. Will send pictures from the Casita in Santa Fe. . .