Another Home for the Holidays

"The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you." – Kendall Hailey

Yesterday I was indulging my coffee addiction at Peet's Coffee and the server who made my caffe freddo cheerfully handed it to me, saying, "Here you go, Gloria - have a great day!" Though I must have temporarily lost my powers of enunciation when I told her the drink was for 'Laura" I was secretly delighted at this permutation. What better name to be called by at this time of the season? (I am thinking of using it as a nom de plume.) Certainly I felt like giving thanks and glory yesterday as we celebrated the safe return of our family from a five-day Thanksgiving trip to visit with my husband's side of the family in Ohio.

Traveling at this time of the year gives me near-panic attacks and shortens certain key facets of life (conversations, attention span, temper) while magically lengthening other, more unpleasant items (to-do lists, laundry piles, time spent in airports). Every time we leave to go anywhere else for the holidays I ponder the trade-offs of the travel. The give-and-take has changed over the past ten years as we evolved from a young couple with no children to a harried couple with babies to a middle-aged couple with three school-aged children. In the beginning we took it for granted that we would travel to family at every opportunity, having both grown up in large families we needed the crowded kitchens, teasing banter and shared sleeping quarters to fulfill our holiday needs.

Traveling with babies made the jaunt much more difficult. Lugging carseats, strollers and diaper bags through airports is more challenging than an Olympic-distance triathlon and changing a baby's time zone and schedule guarantees one a sleepless holiday (never to be confused with a vacation). But we were still desperate for family, for their love and support and for the miraculous beginning of their relationships with our newest member. Now the dynamic has changed again; we have a loving community here, a church home and our own few rituals and habits that the children embrace. Travel itself is not so difficult but as we sink roots in this place it is harder to transplant ourselves to journey through winter weather, carrying and receiving germs as well as presents, and worrying about how to feed our gluten- and dairy-averse family.

I pondered these dynamics while packing and transporting our family 1000+ miles to Ohio last week, keeping my eyes and my mind open to register the benefits for our slightly older children. I did not have to look far to see delight: my mother-in-law's happy face when we arrived (past one in the morning) the children's joy at seeing her and their grandfather. My son's magnetic attraction to his young uncle, my daughter's pleasure at helping her great-grandmother trim the Christmas tree. The easy conversations at Thanksgiving brunch where we attempted to catch up on the news of the past year, knowing we could never get it all but comfortable with the attempt and with the promise to see one another next summer. The pleasure of viewing a different landscape: factory towns and farms, 100-year-old barns, naked forks of forest trees abrading a low cloud cover. Amish buggies a delight for the children, being able to jog every day, relaxing our TV rule to watch movies, football, parades.

Most of all I thought about how fortunate we are to have these folks in our lives. Where else can our children go and see walls of photos reflecting their images from babyhood to now, elbowing out aging frames with images of their dad and uncles at all ages, both of the above peeking out occasionally from their own artwork, regarded as masterpieces by this uncritical audience. Uncles, aunts and cousins - good people with different life experiences than our adopted family and friends in suburban Denver - bringing their perspectives to our lives, their support and love to structure our holidays. Though occasionally I think wistfully of saving credit card airline miles for a trip to Costa Rica, I have to be honest in admitting that a trip to Ohio is worth more to my children. Their history is there - the border of the crazy quilt that is forming with their life experiences. Gloria, indeed.