The Fourth Day of Christmas

The presents are put away, the boxes recycled and the children are fighting again after a blissful two-day detente. We've switched from The Holly channel to The Pulse on Sirius XM and our elf-on-the-shelf has returned to the North Pole. It's a bit sad when the Christmas bliss fades and we start eyeing the tree as prey to be taken down, but also a relief to return to normal life and to escape the pressure to have a Hallmark card experience.  

It's a particular relief to me because Christmas and New Year's two years ago were the lowest points of my illness. My mom and my friends did all of the shopping and wrapping and my husband and children did all of the decorating. It was a miracle that I made it to church in 2012 and a second miracle that we avoided the emergency room on New Year's Eve. Though I try not to remember those events, my body holds the memory of that time and as we approached the holidays I felt a bit like Bilbo approaching the dragon - hidden dangers lurking around every turn.

Fortunately, we made it through the day in high spirits, and my mood was mostly uplifted by texts, photos, videos and phone calls with family members. My heart did sink when I learned that a loved one of one of my loved ones received a terrible diagnosis three weeks ago, and how they struggled through the holiday season, though they had a beautiful time together on Christmas.

The holidays can be cruel timing for those who hurt or mourn or ache with longing. The messiness of normal human lives seems a contradiction to the light and love and laughter of the holidays, but our pastor reminded us on Christmas eve that Jesus was born in a messy situation. He came to an unwed teenage mother and her dirt-poor fiance in a time of war and strife and uncertainty. His birth brought light and hope in a dark time - - and that's the message that we can hold on to no matter what our situation. As we take down decorations and eat the last cookies we can keep that sweet light of hope alive, that time will pass and things will change and in time that light will shine bright for us.