Promises

We walked into church this morning to the sound of trumpets, which signaled two things: that we were late, and that I would soon be in tears.  The ringing tones of church trumpets nearly always make me cry, and I was so thankful that the choir wasn't present to add their soaring sopranos to "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee," or I would have been a sodden mess. As a rule, Rob and the kids send me sidelong glances the minute music begins, and surreptitiously funnel me tissues while edging away.

Today's service welcomed new confirmands and new members, including good friends of ours from water polo, so we left with a positive and hopeful feeling. Nestled in among the good feelings was the uncomfortable prick of our pastor's message about making promises and following through. I guess that's what church is supposed to be, a combination of happy community and uncomfortable soul-searching.

Pastor Mark spoke about the difficulty of  keeping promises; he mentioned how good it feels to say "yes" -  to get the gym membership, to say we belong to a church - and then how difficult it is to actually go workout, make it to services, or follow through on other promises. He referred to this quote from Soren Kierkegaard:

'It is easy to think that by making a promise you have at least done part of what you promised to do, as if the promise itself were something of value. Not at all! In fact, when you do not do what you promise it is a long way back to the truth."

That stung. Back in September my graduate school adviser had emailed me with an opportunity to volunteer as a tutor for students in Africa who are pursuing degrees online. This idea appealed to me on many levels, and I enthusiastically accepted (it felt so good to say 'yes'). Unfortunately, I started school, work and children's activities at the same time and let the program coordinator's emails languish in my inbox for months. When I read a preview of Pastor Mark's message earlier in the week I finally contacted Jody and let her know that realistically I could only give one hour per week, but that I was finally ready to start. Though I had patted myself on the back for my original yes, I felt uncomfortable for many weeks as my promise remained unfulfilled. I feel better now - like I had kale and carrots with dinner - and I plan to hold on to that Kierkegaard quote.