Family Moab

Family Moab
In Arches National Park

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Absolutely Hilarious - Guest Writer!

Today we have a humorous fan letter directed to J.K. Rowling by my sister, guest author Karen Clavadetscher. Karen and I are both big fans of J.K. Rowling but, if we were to write a genuine fan letter, we would write one far different than Karen's wonderful and purposefully clueless epistle below. Enjoy!!
(Note - edited for length).

Dear Ms. J.K. Rowling,
I am writing you today as a HUGE fan of your work and an aspiring writer myself.:) I have been so inspired by the wonderful world and characters that you created with your Harry Potter series. To be honest, I haven’t read any of your work since then, but I’m sure it is totally awesome! Like you, I really want to write a series.  Seven books seem like an awful lot, so I think I’ll aim for three and go from there. I’m not really sure what the story will be about or who the characters are yet, but I know I definitely want to write three books.
Since I think your work is so amazing I wanted to know if I could ask you some questions?  Any advice you could give me would be really appreciated, and you can email or even call me if you think that would be easier. I’ll include my cell at the end of the letter. You could even text me-I have, like, unlimited texting.
Ok, first I want to ask about your methods. I read that you would scribble your ideas and notes on napkins as you sat in coffee shops. To be honest, I tried that and the napkins either blew away, got spilled on, or I threw them away by accident (on a side note, it is also really hard to find a pen that rolls smoothly across  napkin material, so if you have a preferred pen type could you let me know?). Additionally, I think I heard that you would sneak into your closet at night to write and close the door so as not to disturb anyone. Well, I definitely gave that a shot but I almost always got distracted by my shoe collection. Also, I live alone so sitting in the dim, enclosed space got really creepy after a while.  I guess what I’m asking is-how important to your process were the napkins and closet?
Next-motivation. If I remember correctly, you were a single mom (no judgment on my part-btw, you go girl!) while you were writing, so the added desperation of putting food on the table inspired you to keep working at it. Well, I am single and don’t have any kids, so I’m not really sure where I should get my motivation from? I have a job that pays decent money and I just moved into a condo, so I totally have a roof over my head and everything, and I just don’t think I’m desperate enough. I guess what I’m asking is-do you think I should rent a kid? I haven’t looked into it yet, but I do have some money saved up so I think I could probably swing it depending on how much it costs. If you could get back to me ASAP on this idea I’d really appreciate it because Living Spaces is having a huge sale next month and I need a new couch, but I will save the money to spend on renting a kid instead if you think that is the way to go.
Third on my list to ask you about is your knowledge. Do you think I’m gonna have to know, like, a lot of stuff to create a fictional world? I mean, you seem to totally understand Latin with all those words you used in your spells, and you also appear to have a real grasp on plants and whatnot.  The plants thing is pretty bad for me because I have trouble keeping them alive. The best I ever did with a plant was this fern-like thing my mom gave me. It was doing really great until I put it under a UV lamp so that it could get more light and it melted because I didn’t know it was plastic.
Anyway, I really want to thank you in advance for your time and for all the great advice you are going to give to me! I still have to come up with a story but that is the easy part, right? Okay, my cell number is 310-555-1234. Oh, and if you’re ever in America feel free to drop by my place on Taco Tuesday, you have my address because it’s on the envelope!
Sincerely,

Karen

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