The Grey Shadow of Uncertainty

 "I like uncertainty." Nope, can't even type that confidently.  

"I'm trying to embrace uncertainty, and face ambiguity with courage."

Still a stretch for someone who has been noted for their black-and-white thinking (by a therapist, no less). In a book I just finished, The Black Bird Oracle, by Deborah Harkness, the protagonist learns to live in the shadow, tiptoe-ing along the edges of the light and the darkness, allowing space for both but not letting either dominate. The theme resonates with me, as I'm sure it does with most Americans, as we all find ourselves on a high wire, watching as light/dark/shadow play out on a national stage.

Uncertainty can be a great blessing, as when political debates and parties go haywire and the national future looks bleak. We can assure ourselves that "no one knows," that positive unforeseen events are just as likely to occur as negative ones. That's what I told my mom in early July, and so it has come to pass that we now sail in uncharted - and potentially more hopeful - waters. As one IG meme put it, "we're now living in the hardest AP history exam question of our future grandchildren."

As much as I love to calendar my days/weeks/months, compile to-do lists, and stick to routine, I've lived too long to kid myself that I can prepare for what's coming. And . . . now I feel nauseous. But I keep hearing the message that uncertainty opens up a wealth of possibilities. I have a frequency bias toward this understanding; having recently heard a podcast on the subject, it now constantly rears its head.

For example, as I drove to swimming today a woman on NPR was giving an interview. Maggie Jackson, the author and journalist, wrote a book on shadows and ambiguity - Uncertain: The Wisdome and Wonder of Being Unsure". Jackson argues that in an age when we research every decision exhaustively, leaning away from mystery and toward certainty, "embracing the unknown [can be] an invitation to pause, an opportunity for growth and innovation."

It's ironic that I'm trying to talk myself (and you) into the benefits of uncertainty and grey areas, but I'm currently experiencing a hot flash brought on by the stress of this post. At least I know for sure that hot flashes will eventually stop, as change is inevitable and the uncertainty in this case is full of possibility.