Changes

"And so the days float through my eyes / But still the days seem the same / And these children that you spit on / As they try to change their worlds / Are immune to your consultations / They're quite aware of what they're goin' through"

Lyrics to "Changes" by David Bowie

The wave of emotion hit me in the frozen food aisle. I automatically reached for Trader Joe's gluten free mac 'n cheese and stopped before my hand hit the cold cardboard. I didn't need to buy it - William won't be at home to eat his favorite lunch, at least not until Thanksgiving. Tears threatened but  Aden came up exclaiming over the cauliflower fried rice and I blinked them back, thankful she's been home this week prepping for her move to a new apartment in Boulder. Enjoying her presence allows me to stave off unwanted sadness. I tell my friends, "Next week, I'll be depressed."

But sorrow has already sprung in my gut, that sneaky brain in the stomach. I know because I had chocolate for every meal today. The chocolate was pretending to be healthy: a protein bar with almond butter, a shake with coffee flavor, granola with probiotics. Let me get real and admit (for a second) that a solid chocolate diet is a sign of sad times, not good nutrition. 

And yet it's not really a sad time, it's exciting and even exhilarating to watch your child leap into their adulthood (as your partner restrains you and helps you reel in the safety net... just a little). We had a good time moving William into his engineering dorm; his new roommate impressed us all with his "chill vibe,"  easy, quick-witted banter, and lively lunch conversation. Rob and I enjoyed walking behind the boys and Aden through restaurant row on "the Hill" as she regaled them with tales of good eateries as well as places to avoid. 

So far William has followed through on his promise to Snapchat me at least once each day so I know he is alive. He looks tired and Aden tells me that he's been up late (he chats with her much more than with me), but I keep my fingers crossed that he's enjoying new people and experiences. The kids' adventures inspire me to plan a full fall schedule - hoping for new volunteer experiences and adding more shifts at work to stay busy. My children are absolutely "immune to my consultations" and I can only hope they keep me apprised as they ride this exciting new wave (and I try not to drown in my tears).