Aden has a cold, probably from a combination of a pesky virus and the anticipatory stress of her final swim meet. Yesterday, slightly panicked about her rough morning, I went in search of natural remedies at Whole Health and Vitamin Cottage, where I buy most of my supplements. After consultations with an acupuncturist and vitamin specialist, I emerged with tea tree oil, sambucus throat spray, and herbal remedies for swollen throat and bronchioles, as well as coconut water.
After application of all of the above, plus an evening dose of Benadryl, Aden seemed better this morning, though grouchy as Oscar and bemoaning the timing of the cold. "You're a fast healer," I told her with my fingers crossed, "today was better than yesterday and you will be well by tomorrow."
Truth is, the cold shouldn't matter too much for her performance if she's mentally strong. No fever, no broken limbs, no hacking cough (at least not yet - hence the permanently crossed fingers), she should be fine. But the "mentally strong" part is tough. Girls often struggle to deal with expectations, their own and others, and the resulting pressure to do well. I did, a bit, though it usually made me slightly angry and therefore fueled my racing. Aden takes things to heart more than I, and she doesn't want to let her coach or her teammates down.
It doesn't help that their encouragement takes the form of over-the-top compliments. Phrases like, "Oooh, of course you'll make State," don't help Aden. I have to remind Aden that her friends are not really thinking about her performance in any great detail - they're thinking about their own. And when they say confidently that she will make a State cut, they're not really that convinced, it just seems like a good thing to say.
At the swim meet last weekend I discussed this quandary with a friend of mine, who noted, "It's just like saying "we'll do lunch" in the South. The old friend / acquaintance / frenemy has no intention of having lunch with you, you'll never get her phone call or text, but it's just what you say."
Along the same lines, here's a great quote from the New Yorker book review, "The Parenting Paradox" of January 29: "Civilized behavior is artificial and ridiculous: it means pretending to be glad to see people you aren't glad to see, praising parties you wished you hadn't gone to, thanking friends for presents you wish you hadn't received" (p 69). Not that I think Aden's teammates are in the category of people who aren't glad to see Aden - they're both supportive and kind. But they're not seriously invested in the outcome of her races, and she needs to know that.
Her competition tomorrow is only for her, a snapshot of where she is at this moment, cold and all. If she's mentally strong and does her best, just for herself and not for me or anyone else, she won't be disappointed. In the meantime, I'm going out to buy Benadryl with my fingers crossed.
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