Reading the Past

I've been re-reading blog entries for a project, which is similar to watching your life flash before your eyes, if by "flash" you  mean distracted review over several days.  Some entries make me laugh, some make me hit "skip" and some poignantly evoke memories that had been buried.

There's a post on my shock at Aden's entry into Cherry Creek High School, ending with the line "so glad I have these four years ahead before she goes off to college." Even earlier posts note her adventures in fifth grade, navigating bullies on the playground. Now our precious time has been cut to a year-and-a-half, and my recent posts focused on college tours.

I read about my Just Faith class and our travels together. I used to see those friends and classmates for hours each week and now rarely encounter them as we move off on our separate threads.  My friend Jeri and I used to share Just Faith and Spiritual Direction and now are busy in different spheres. So many posts in those years wrestled with the books and articles we read in class, as I tried to incorporate the wisdom.

Over the past eight years I noted births, baptisms and marriages; anniversaries, birthdays and reunions. There are many common threads in these posts relating to the importance of family and traditions - and having lots of fun.

Each season brings repetitive posts on the joys and struggles of summer break, or the relief of kids returning to school. Christmas and Easter are well represented, as are vacations and camping trips. Winter cold and illnesses take up space just prior to musings on the growing green and spring optimism, before giving way to the May-hem that takes over the lives of everyone connected with schools.

My year of illness was hard to read in blog form, though I glossed over the worst of it in my writing. Certain phrases trigger the pain and fear that held me in thrall while I typed away, pretending at a kind of normalcy. It's hard to believe that I could forget any part of that experience, but I want to forget, to pretend that I am now and have always been "normal."  Undoubtedly that desire is what lead me to swim extended hours over the past few weeks, leading to migraines, excessive fatigue, and joint pain.  Reading over all that I've learned and forgotten comes at a good time. I need to re-remember both the lessons and the blessings that made me who I am now.