How about not being judged for how she looks in a bathing suit? This is not a trivial question, though it may seem so, coming after Malala's travails in Pakistan. When I was ill several years ago, I lost so much weight that I thought I would disappear, and I was terrified. Equally horrifying were the comments from people who thought I looked good in that unhealthy, faded-away state. It really led me to question the sanity of our culture, and also the motives of those who drive the popular images: do they want us to disappear? lose strength and presence? be brainwashed into engineering our own destruction?
Now that I've gained back all my weight and strength, I feel so good - - until sometimes when I put on a swimsuit in a bad light and start judging my body in all of its realness. When I catch those negative thoughts now, I know how to face them down. I say: "Do you want me to disappear again? Well, tough! I have the right to take up some space in this world. I will not be marginalized or ignored or judged for my fullness and strength. You're going to have to deal with me as I am." I want young girls to know that they should not risk their health or strength for a cultural theme that is poisonous to all of us.
It's also essential to realize and to emphasize with our children that though are bodies are one facet of us and we should take care of them, they are only one part of who we are. They are not the mirror of our soul, they are not the end-all, be-all of our existence on the planet. Our bodies (especially children's bodies) are under the sway of many factors out of our control - - thyroid, pre-natal illnesses, medications, metabolism, food-buying habits of our parents, access to safe places to exercise, etc. They are not our fault nor our fortune, and I should prefer mine to be a safehouse and not a temple full of false gods.
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