Beyond Belief

"Hold on to what you believe, in the night, when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight."
- Mumford & Sons, "Hold on to What You Believe"

Middle school lore states that to obtain a snow day one must flush an ice cube down the toilet, place a spoon under the pillow, wear pajamas inside out, drink a cup of hot chocolate before bed and place a map of Colorado in the freezer. I know religions  that have fewer basic tenets, but my sixth grader's belief in the ritual is strong, and her machinations even procured a delayed start last week after our eight inches of snow. The kids would have preferred a full day off but enjoyed their sleep-in.

In the dark nights when I was most ill, I believed in two ideas: 1. God, the life force in all the universe, is good, and 2. My family and friends loved me. Many times friends had sight when I had none, when my recovery seemed hopeless to me. Now I believe something else: that I will be totally well. I am back to my normal weight with no stomach issues. The Paleo diet is working well and clicks with my body. Best of all, my autoimmune function, as measured in my blood, is down 400 points from September and I am back in the normal range. My endocrine system and my scalp are not quite normal but moving that direction.
I am beyond grateful to all that believed in me and carried me through my unbelief.

I need to nurture my beliefs and my faith now, especially when things are getting better and going well.  I find myself forgetting at times, in the normal hubbub of daily life with three kids. I forget to stop and offer gratitude to the good, loving universal spirit, and to fill myself with the love of friends and family so that I can reflect that love back to them. Beliefs are urgent when the darkness falls, but must be cultivated in the light. Thankfully I can almost shut the door on the past, and move on to live in the bright spaces.