"When we stand before reality preoccupied with ourselves we will see precious little of what is actually there to be seen."
 - Ronald Rolheiser, The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering a Felt Presence of God, p 34.

My Benet Hill course paused two weeks ago for summer break and I am just now catching up on my reading. I tackled Rolheiser's book first, and have found it about as comfortable as a paper cut. A growing sense of discomfort bothered me this spring, and I think Rolheiser sliced right to the heart of the issue; with a year of introspection and self-healing behind me, I have grown in knowledge and compassion but a healthy chunk of reality passed me by.

Point A: I realized over the weekend that I have not seen my amazing sister since last August. We have plans to be together in July, but that is a full year of absence. Despite (or because of) a good catch-up phone conversation, I feel a sense of loss that twelve months escaped us without time together. We have both been extremely busy, but how could I have let this happen?  Along the same lines, I haven't seen my parents since Thanksgiving, and will have to wait until July to be with them, as well. That is far too long; despite all of the good reasons for our absence (finances, surgeries, work schedules, etc), life is too short and loved ones too precious to spend so much time apart.

Point B: Our daughter and oldest child is headed to middle school next year. She 'graduates' from elementary school in less than a month. Have I been fully present to her unbelievable growth and development? Have I cherished every moment of the childhood that is rapidly receding? Emotionally, I struggle to let her go into the maelstrom of hormones and havoc that is junior high school. To move from the mother of a helpless, colicky infant to the mother of a "tween" is rough work in the short span of a decade.

Point C: What service have I done for those in the margins: the poor, sick, orphaned, widowed, alone? I have worked hard on serving my family, friends, and community groups but I have side-stepped the gospel imperative for a time. I feel this absence not only as a sense of guilt but as a sense of loss.

It's time to sharpen my focus on reality. Contemplation is always good but a preoccupation with myself - even if it centers on spiritual development - threatens to drown my sense of the world and my connections with others. I want to see all that can be seen.