July 5 Reflections

 A few reflections on July 4th, which turned out to be a lovely day where we were fortunate to safely celebrate and reconnect with friends and neighbors. We watched the local bike parade and chatted with good friends at the pool, my two older kids lounging with us at their first real "adult swim." In the afternoon, we received terrible news via our phone notifications - information about the violence at a parade outside of Chicago. If I had a flag flying, I would have put it at half mast, but I could not even summon the energy to hang the United States flag this year, though it is my country - our country, too - and I won't give it away.  I found this quote motivational, though I couldn't act on it:

It should not be so unbearably hard for justice to prevail, and justice finally gained should never again be at risk. But this is the country we live in. The fight for freedom will never be over. And, God help me, I will not be one who gives up. This is my country, too, and I will not surrender it to a vocal minority of undemocratic tyrants.

- Margaret Renkl, New York Times, "The American Flag Belongs to Me, Too, and This Year I'm Taking It Back" July 2, 2022

I failed to fly the flag despite Renkl's empowering words, but I will return to them as a rallying cry when I abandon the distraction of pessimism and double down on my own efforts, however small they may be. But it will be a minute. When William asked me pensively what I thought was "truly American," I pled the fifth, not wanting to give him any top-of-mind answers that accrued over the last difficult weeks.

Just Mom

This morning I took a phone call and watched through the window as my three children chased each other, screaming (it was audible in the house) as they fought over a package of rice crackers. Apparently my oldest son had consumed more than his fair share, resulting in general hysterics.

My children are well-fed - to my mind, anyway - and their grasping over snacks truly upsets me, not just because they are loud and embarrass me in front of the neighbors, but also because I see accounts every day of children who die from malnourishment. Yet when I tell my children that boys and girls in Haiti make mud pies to eat because they have nothing else, they look at me blankly. "Where's Haiti?" one asked, with a mouth full of cracker.

The title of this entry - Just Mom - refers back to a class I have been taking for over two years called Just Faith. It addresses social justice issues of hunger, poverty (both local and global), environmental degradation, nonviolence and racism. The title incorporates two pillars of the class: Justice and Faith. I expect that many of the entries in this blog will deal with my struggle to incorporate my new knowledge (and resulting guilt) into a privileged lifestyle and a culture that teaches the importance of material things.

Of course, the flip side of the words "Just Mom" refers to those of us who parent as our sole or main profession. We have been dropped from the roles of legitimate careerists. No business cards, titles, or salaries attach easily to the "mom" or "dad" entry on a resume. (Many) blog entries on that to follow.

Judith Warner wrote an extremely interesting and impactful book entitled, Perfect Madness : Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety (Riverhead Trade, 2006), in which she discusses the struggles of American parents. To paraphrase one of her key points, parents in the US spend huge amounts of time and energy carving a big piece of the ever-shrinking pie for their children. If we all banded together and focused our energies on making the pie bigger, every child and society as a whole would benefit - maybe someday we could all relax.

Something to think about the next time I buy rice crackers.