Beyond Good and Evil

"Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are, in fact, one and the same. The problem is that we are taught behaviors that disconnect us from this natural awareness. It's not that we have to learn how to be compassionate; we have to unlearn what we've been taught and get back to compassion."
- "Beyond Good and Evil," Marshall Rosenberg, interviewed by D. Killian, February 2003
In The Sun, June 2020 "One Nation, Indivisible"

By the end of today, Aden will have worked twenty hours over the weekend, lifeguarding at our local pools. Since early June, when they opened, the pools have raised the number of bodies allowed in from 25 to 50 and then from 50 to 75. In the midst of a July heatwave, Aden has been guarding amidst a crush of 75 unmasked bodies, and dealt with many more angry people who could not or would not follow the procedure to make a legal reservation.

Though just enforcing the not-so-punishing rules of the pool company and HOA, Aden has been verbally attacked by people who decry her guidance, who bemoan the difficulty of the reservation system, who pretend guests are family members, and who assert that they "have never been treated like this in 20 years!"

To which Aden responds calmly that these are just the rules and she has no control over them, but can she help them make an appropriate reservation?

Rob and I feel much more anger than our daughter. I want to say to the woman who has lived here for 20 years: "Have you ever been in a pandemic before?"  To the people who say the child's friend is actually the child's father (a little girl supposedly named "Steven"):  "How is it OK to teach your children to lie?"  And to everyone who yells at my child while not wearing a mask, I want to say, "Stand six feet back and stay there!"

We are all frustrated and angry. Times are difficult and worse storm clouds are forming on the horizon. But we can't devolve and treat each other this way. We can't attack lifeguards for trying to follow the rules, resent teachers for wanting to be safe at their work, rebel against mask mandates because mask-wearing is inconvenient.  We need to take care of each other, do the right thing, and recognize that only our connectedness and mutual responsibility can save us.

I will try to remember this, too, and promise to stay away from the pool when my child is working. I will cultivate my sense of one-ness with the individuals who yell at my daughter if they can just take a moment to calm down (and social distance) when they talk to her. We're all on the same team.

Man on the Corner

"See the lonely man there on the corner,
What he's waiting for, I don't know,
But he waits everyday now.
He's just waiting for something to show."
- Genesis, Man on the Corner, Phil Collins, songwriter

"The blind man sleeps in the doorway, his home
If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won."
- Mumford & Sons, I Gave You All, Marcus Mumford, songwriter

He held a sign that read "Vietnam Vet needs a miracle." My kids saw him as we approached the turn to I 25 and yelled excitedly, "Mom, there's a signwaver! Stop, Mom, stop!" I checked my rearview mirror as I slowed, then checked to make sure the turn signal stayed on red. Window rolled down, I beckoned to the man, and held out the paper bag with socks, tuna fish and crackers, as well as a bottle of water. He hustled over to the car and said, "Thank you, ma'am. God bless." Then he surveyed the colorful drawings on the paper bag and chuckled, "I like the artwork, too."

After returning his "God bless" we moved ahead with the rest of the traffic, flowing smoothly on to whatever comfortable destination awaited that day. I was amazed at the delight of my children in giving out our "Just Care" bag, and full of my own pleasure and relief at being able to do something to help the people who wait on the freeway ramps and offramps. Before our church started preparing these Just Care bags for congregants to keep in their cars I had nothing to offer the people on the corner, and would just roll by in my hermetically sealed vehicle fielding questions from the kids as to why anyone would stand there all day. My good friend came up with the idea to coordinate the assembly and donation of these bags at our church, and it has revolutionized our approach to I 25, the freeway which runs fairly close to our house.

There is a light rail station at our exit from I25, and I remember how people complained and worried about the light rail because they feared the visitation of homeless folk from "the city" (Denver, in our case) to our restful and removed suburb. I don't know how the men on the corners get down here, they could be from our suburb for all I know, but in this economy their incidence has certainly increased. Their presence did make me feel uncomfortable when I had nothing to offer, but I feel prepared now, and being able to offer something, no matter how small, and interact with the toothless, dirty, and charming man on the corner has made him feel more like a neighbor and less like an intruder.

Call me naive, call me simplistic. I know I am not solving any big problems by handing out the bags, but I am solving two problems: his and mine. And we are teaching the children something valuable: that if we have a purpose bigger than our apathy we can triumph over small evils and injustices. We can turn invaders into neighbors, we can nurture our own compassion and understanding, and we can make someone's life just a little bit easier. We can show up - and that is not a small thing.

Follow Up

Some amazing efforts on behalf of Japan require me to follow-up on my post of March 18 (Madness of All Kinds). First, my remarkable sister, a fourth-grade teacher in California, saw my blog post and took the idea of paper-crane-making to her school. Her principal and fellow teachers immediately got behind the idea, and merged it with a fundraiser that they had already planned. When my sister emailed the news to me, I was excited and eager to follow in her footsteps, so I emailed one of my daughter's fourth grade teachers to discuss a similar fundraiser, based on the article that she had brought to school.

Lo and behold, the effort took off - as if on crane's wings. The PTO, principal, and teachers at our school immediately embraced the idea of the fundraiser using paper cranes, which will either be sold or donated back to be sent to the children of Japan. Several parents have come forward to volunteer their services and research possible outlets for our donations. After spring break, the art teacher plans to do a unit on origami for the fourth and fifth grades, allowing my daughter's class to participate in teaching the background information. Amazing. Our home has turned into origami - central as my daughter is so excited to teach us all the fine art of crane-making. We already have 13 birds ready to go. Needless to say, my heart is warmed to the point of boiling over.

On another follow-up note, my youngest son decided not to make a picture for Japan, but to color one for the greeter at CostCo instead. He knew we were headed for CostCo that morning (had to get individually wrapped treats for preschool) and anticipated seeing our favorite greeter, who always says hi and draws smiley faces on our receipts. So D colored in a fabulous picture and when we entered the store I flashed my AmEx photo card and he handed over his artwork. The gentleman was quite surprised. "For me?" he asked. Daniel nodded and explained the coloring scheme before we headed off to do our shopping. On our way out, we encountered the same man, who congratulated D again on being a fine artist and pulled me aside to say, "I've been here for ten years and nobody has ever done anything like that for me before. I am really touched." I nodded a general affirmative, too choked-up to make a reasonable response, and left the store with my artist. He may be a whirlwind but he has a heart of gold, and I am so grateful.