Pain is a Four Letter Word

"One thing about pain: it proves you're alive." - Ashleigh Brilliant

My head is on fire. It's been on fire for eight weeks with little containment. I have seen my ob/gyn, internist, chiropractor, dermatologist and am scheduled for the neurologist tomorrow. Medications prescribed include cortisone, other steroids, vitamin B, anti-neuroinflammatories, Vicodin, other painkillers. Rest has been suggested, exercise too. Allergy tests came back negative so I tried food sensitivity tests. No news yet. I eagerly await the absence of pain. I've tried to make it my friend but at best we are civil to one another.

Perhaps you have been here: the long stretch of not understanding the problem. We hope it is the homestretch, but no one can tell us - no final lap bell rings, no spectators cheer. The world goes on. Kids demand attention beyond the meal preparation, laundry and carpool service that proscribe summer days. When we hide in the basement for its quiet cool, they come to find us, angry that we hide, that we are less than.  Husbands patiently hold up under repeated bouts of tears, sleepless nights, many (many) dollars spent.

Heat makes things worse - endless repeats of 100-degree days are a cruel joke. Yet life goes on. People get married, kids swim and compete, friends need attention. Volunteer responsibilities require time and effort. My hair falls out repeatedly - not enough for anyone else to notice, apparently. I never know if their noticing would make things better or worse.

Thank you for your prayers and for your kindness. I apologize for my absences, for my shortnesses. The summer has been hard. I am sure there are gifts here, I just need some time to find them. Love to all.