The Little Voices

No, I am not referring to my three-year-old's incessant chatter (last count, 800 "why's" in one day), my eight-year-old's tentative defiance, or my six-year-old's forceful insistence that I observe every bouncing-off-the-wall trick he performs in the house. I am referring to the little voices we all hear in our quiet moments - even in the noisy moments (sometimes most insistently then!) - the voices of our parents, friends and culture that tell us that we have not done enough, have not succeeded, have not fulfilled our early promise. This quote sums it up:

"Many voices ask for our attention. There is a voice that says, "Prove that you are a good person." Another voice says, "You'd better be ashamed of yourself." There also is a voice that says, "Nobody really cares about you," and one that says, "Be sure to become successful, popular, and powerful." But underneath all these often very noisy voices is a still, small voice that says, "You are my Beloved, my favor rests on you." That's the voice we need most of all to hear. To hear that voice, however, requires special effort; it requires solitude, silence, and a strong determination to listen." - http://www.henrinouwen.org/

I have been trying to keep moments of silence on my calendar, moments for being and not for doing. This remains difficult for me - a full calendar connotes to me a life full of purposeful activity and action, even if the activites noted are not particularly noteworthy. I need to appreciate that more growth and rejuvenation can take place in the down time and that empty slots on the calendar probably indicate more self-awareness and maturity than laziness.

One of my quiet times remains the half-hour before the kids wake up in the morning. I recently bought a year's worth of Rumi's poems and read the following nugget today while the full moon poured light in through the windows - almost negating the need for a lamp.

"Break open your personal self / to taste the story of the nutmeat soul. / These voices come from that rattling / against the outer shell. / The nut and the oil inside / have voices that can only be heard / with another kind of listening."

- A Year With Rumi by Coleman Barks (http://www.colemanbarks.com/)

How great is that? The nutmeat soul - I love it. If we can focus on that part of ourselves and listen for the small reaffirming voice that says we are loved - and that's enough - we can take pressure off of ourselves and our loved ones. Too many of us reach the middle of life and wonder if we are enough, if we missed our turn in the line for fulfillment. We turn to our children to fulfill our promise, occasionally snipe at our spouses in frustration and disappointment, and feel a sense of time passing instead of concentrating on the fullness of each moment given to us.

Thank goodness for the wisdom of those who remind us that we are enough, we are loved, we can be quiet and listen for the goodness within us.